Just not on my back you douche...
This post is for you Mr./Ms. jerk who reads the morning paper on my back. You like the news, do you? Here's a news flash, my back is not your fucking kitchen table. We all know that unless you leave your apartment at 5:30am in this city, you're going to deal with a crowded subway. Yet, somehow, this asshole sees no problem with spreading out every section of the Wall Street Journal while fiddling with their Starbucks . Oh I'm sorry, is my face getting in the way of your finance section?
Oh, and if your sitting down and reading the paper, please try not to fondle my junk with the Classifieds. While Ben & Jerry appreciate the thought, the last thing I need is a semi while staring at your dumb face with designer reading glasses.
Look, we're all crammed into the subway car like hippies at a Phish concert. It would be helpful if you and your newspaper didn't have the wingspan of Hakeem Olajuwon. The next time this happens, I hope someone stabs you with a rusty letter opener while I pour your morning OJ into the wound...with extra pulp.
I personally enjoy when one of these d-bags sneezes, and instead of properly covering their mouth and nose they just sneeze into the paper, sending snot and spit flying in every direction, including right into my face.
ReplyDeleteSnot and spit flying into your face? Sounds like your Friday night.
ReplyDelete