ANSWERS TO RHETORICAL QUESTIONS POSED BY ANDY ROONEY ON 12/21/08: Andy Rooney’s Gift List

Andy Rooney, master of the rhetorical question, was at it again around holiday season, sticking it to all those crafty wordsmiths who publish holiday catalogues.


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Rooney: “Brookstone says they’ll give me $20 off if I buy $100 worth of their stuff. Well, why don’t they just charge me $80 for it???”

Answer: They would. That is actually the intended message of the promotion. Brookstone will charge you $80 for $100 worth of goods.

Rooney: “(the Club Wireless catalogue has) "over 450 gifts under $30"; maybe I’ll take one of each of those. Would that be…just thirty dollars???”

Answer: No, each of the individual gifts in the catalogue is priced under $30. If you were to order one of each of the 450 gifts listed you could end up paying as much as $13,495.50, but not more - before applicable sales taxes.

Rooney: “Highlights (magazine) - whatever Highlights is – says it’ll give you a "2009 hidden pictures calendar" with every order. I’d want to see a couple of the hidden pictures first. What would a “hidden picture” be anyway???”

Answer: Highlights is a family/ children’s magazine well known for their “hidden pictures” game on the cover of each issue. A “hidden picture” is a picture with several individual items hidden within it. Kids look at the picture and try to find the hidden items. A “hidden pictures calendar”, we presume, is a calendar with a new hidden pictures game for kids to enjoy each month. A “calendar” is a table or register with the days of each month and week in a year.

Rooney: “"Museum Store" – I guess they sell museums – Maybe I’ll buy a couple of museums.”

Answer: I know this wasn’t a question – but just want to help alleviate the confusion. “Museum Store Company” does not sell museums; the company is a seller of Historic Replicas & History Gifts.

Rooney: “This is a Sears catalogue. Sears? Whatever happened to Roebuck??? You never hear “Sears-Roebuck” anymore. Call if you’re out there Roebuck.”

Answer: “Roebuck” was dropped from the trade name of the “Sears” stores in the 1970’s, though not from the official corporate name Sears, Roebuck & Company. Alvah Roebuck, the original partner of Richard Warren Sears, died in 1948, so chances are he will not be contacting you. But this is not to say that you won’t have a chance to speak with him soon.