Law & Order: volume #1 and #2

One of the great natural pleasures that God bestowed upon man is peeing outside. There's nothing quite like being outside in the Fall or early Springtime (when there's still a bit of chill in the air), finding a nice quiet spot (be it on the edge of a tree line, behind some bushes, or perhaps against the side of a building), and watching the steam rise as your piss touches down on the good old planet earth. (Thank God for gravity - for now.) That's right - no sewer system, no septic tank, no port-o-john, no porcelain god with the seat up, no urinal splattering microscopic urine particles back in your face and all over your best shirt - just you and the earth, connected for a few brief moments by a golden stream of what used to be Coors Light.   

But some states have made public urination a crime and worse yet, some states treat it as a "sex offense" - often even requiring the "perp" to register as a "sex offender". Now, look, I think we can all agree that if your idea of peeing outside is hanging your guy through the chain-link fence of a local playground, then you are indeed a "sex offender" - FUCK YOU! (hear that Dan Collins?) In fact, one might even question if such a person really needed to pee at all. But, for the most part, peeing outside (and, for most people, peeing in general) is not even part of the sex act - unless you include "things you do immediately after having sex". So, I guess, if someone is peeing outside because they've just had sex outside, that would be a legal gray area requiring further analysis on a case by case basis. 

Crapping outside: different story altogether. Though never sexual (or sex-y), we can estimate (with the use of no data whatsoever) that a higher percentage of outdoor crappings rate much higher on the indecency-o-meter than outdoor pissings. And, if done carefully, an outdoor crapping may not even require frontal exposure (though admittedly, most outdoor crappings are probably executed with little care - throwing caution to the wind so to speak).      

The point is simple: if we start grouping the average pee-er in with the sex offenders, we undermine the important role of the online sex offender registry: namely, to help identify houses to shit on and otherwise vandalize. Just please remember to shit in the paper bag at home, before you go to his house.