One of the great natural pleasures that God bestowed upon man is peeing outside. There's nothing quite like being outside in the Fall or early Springtime (when there's still a bit of chill in the air), finding a nice quiet spot (be it on the edge of a tree line, behind some bushes, or perhaps against the side of a building), and watching the steam rise as your piss touches down on the good old planet earth. (Thank God for gravity - for now.) That's right - no sewer system, no septic tank, no port-o-john, no porcelain god with the seat up, no urinal splattering microscopic urine particles back in your face and all over your best shirt - just you and the earth, connected for a few brief moments by a golden stream of what used to be Coors Light.
But some states have made public urination a crime and worse yet, some states treat it as a "sex offense" - often even requiring the "perp" to register as a "sex offender". Now, look, I think we can all agree that if your idea of peeing outside is hanging your guy through the chain-link fence of a local playground, then you are indeed a "sex offender" - FUCK YOU! (hear that Dan Collins?) In fact, one might even question if such a person really needed to pee at all. But, for the most part, peeing outside (and, for most people, peeing in general) is not even part of the sex act - unless you include "things you do immediately after having sex". So, I guess, if someone is peeing outside because they've just had sex outside, that would be a legal gray area requiring further analysis on a case by case basis.
Crapping outside: different story altogether. Though never sexual (or sex-y), we can estimate (with the use of no data whatsoever) that a higher percentage of outdoor crappings rate much higher on the indecency-o-meter than outdoor pissings. And, if done carefully, an outdoor crapping may not even require frontal exposure (though admittedly, most outdoor crappings are probably executed with little care - throwing caution to the wind so to speak).
The point is simple: if we start grouping the average pee-er in with the sex offenders, we undermine the important role of the online sex offender registry: namely, to help identify houses to shit on and otherwise vandalize. Just please remember to shit in the paper bag at home, before you go to his house.
Jack McCoy wouldn't stand for this.
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