Remember me? Last night we met at the bar and you wouldn't stop rubbing up against me and my friends. Your confident light blue Polo windbreaker worn open over that sexy black turtleneck gave you complete command over the entire bar. I asked you your name and you said, "I'm Dan Collins. I like UCONN". I was like 'I'm not gay" but it just didn't seem to matter to you Dan Collins. That's one of the things I liked about you Dan Collins, UCONN fan: you know what you want and nothing. nothing. comes between you and the object of your desire. Literally nothing - No matter how much room there is at the bar to back up and give me some fucking space, you insist on leaning into my back and breathing your whiskey breath down the back of my neck. My efforts to dissuade you were as futile as aiming a fart into the wind. And you bring that same persistence to your undying devotion to UCONN basketball. Even after the Huskies had fallen to Michigan State, you continued to support them. Even after the Nova/ UNC game had begun, still you would not relent. You cheered your Huskies on to win that game too - a game in which they did not even play. And in the end, you prevailed, and tomorrow night, the Huskies of Connecticut will play the UCONN Huskies for the NCAA championship. I think we all know who the winner will be in that contest: it's you Dan Collins.
